Adia.

My parents selected my name (and my brother’s name)  from a book of names for black babies. Adia is Swahili, meaning “Gift from God”. I feel like the name defines me to a small extent. It makes me feel like I have some special purpose in the world, which thinking about it now, on top of college applications, makes me feel pressured to do something considered universally impactful. I think the uniqueness of the name Adia adds to the pressure. My name makes me stand out, furthering the feeling that I have to “make something” of myself. Conversely, the meaning of my name gives me the confidence that I can be successful in life, and that whatever path I choose to take in life, I’ll have the power to impact the world in a positive way.  In that way, I believe my name does define me. Names can be compared to zodiac signs or mbti types. Though some don’t believe in them, I think it’s a way for people to define themselves so that they can make sense of themselves and understand who they are.

My name also raises the dilemma of being an individual and being apart of a larger whole. My name is African, but to be completely honest, I feel no ties to my African heritage. Being born in America with two parents also born in America, and not having any family born in Africa for generations, my family have no African-tied traditions. Before I took an ancestry DNA test, I had no idea where my ancestors came from. It makes me feel like an outcast to other black teens who wear Dashikis and know African dance moves. While I’m black, and know I’m black, people impose certain stereotypes and when I don’t meet their expectations of what it means to be a black person, people make me feel disconnected. Yes I’m black, but I am who I am, so if I don’t like chicken or watermelon or don’t talk  or act a certain way, that doesn’t make me any less black. This is when I feel like “two”; the side of me that is just me, and the other part of me that feels the need to act a certain way so I won’t be alienated from my race. Those the remarks bothered me before, now I realize that trying to act a certain way isn’t being authentic to myself, or to others. I rather be myself and be comfortable than to feed into a stereotype and be fake.